Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
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Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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