i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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