New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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