this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Found the puke drawer
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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