Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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