I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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