She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize