Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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