Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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