you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize