I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize