wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize