Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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