she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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