And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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