I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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