It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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