i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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