He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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