Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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