My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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