im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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