I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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