How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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