I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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