We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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