Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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