Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize