So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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