Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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