I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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