she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
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his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
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Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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