4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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