We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize