not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize