I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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