now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize