Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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