but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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