I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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