my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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