I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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