If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
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I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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