i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize