if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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