I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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