I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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