We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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