I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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