JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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